Let’s just be friends

 I saw When Harry met Sally for the first time last week.

It’s one of the classic chick flicks you’d find in a video store. That explains why I’d only just seen it. Those who know me, know I’m not keen on the romantic stuff , i’m very partial with Mr Luffa though – that’s different

Anyway, a week on, and I’m still thinking about something Harry said to Sally, ‘men and women can never just be friends.’ His point was that one of them wants or will want the other at some point.

Thinking back to the BC (before Christ) era of my life, and the friendships I had with guys. They weren’t really friendships at all; just brief interludes before the dreaded awkward moment of a declaration of love never to be reciprocated. I lost some good ‘friends’, but then again, I guess they weren’t friends to start with.

Now things are a bit different – I’ve got a handful of male friends, and that’s just what they are, friends that are men. Not all of them are Christian, but all of them are respectful and intelligent. What’s interesting is that most of them are not married – but we’re genuinely friends.

So was Harry wrong to say, men and women cannot just be friends? Is there a sort of unspoken clause to do with the extent of friendship?

I think either way the friendship thing is a double edged sword;

1. A guy and girl can be such good friends that the affection, loyalty and closeness gets too intense, there’s no room for anyone else of the opposite sex. Surely that’s what you want with your spouse anyway isn’t it?

2. The flip side  is when a guy and girl get so close, and the guy is so far into the friendship zone, that dating him would be just as gross as dating your brother (eewww).

Having said that, I think once a strong friendship kicks off, in time things like appearance and attraction become slightly warped as personality becomes the key to unlocking love and I’m sure it’ll lead to a life-long union. (gosh how did I get so corny)

Even though it’ll prove obnoxious-Harry right, isn’t it worth just being friends anyway, no unnecessary pressure and undue expectations?

I’m glad to say, that’s how Mr Luffa and I started, and 2 years later, I’m bearing his name and we’re sharing our lives

With just friendship the warts and all are in the open and you can back out carefully if it’s not what you want. I’ve done that successfully a few times, and we may not be close friends now, but at least we’re friendly towards one another – that’s good enough isn’t it?

So there should be no shame in saying, let’s just be friends. Why do guys balk at that statement anyway, what’s wrong with just being friends?

Lunch with David Cameron…

Have you ever wondered how much it would cost to have lunch with David Cameron? Well turns out it’ll cost anything from £50k.

The Conservative Party are pimping DC out for lunches with major donors after PMQs running up to the General election. Obviously this is a fundraising activity. The saying, ‘scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ comes to mind.

If you ever thought DC goes straight to his desk to cross check whether those accusations he flung across the chamber were founded etc then think again, he goes into a lunch date with people poised to sign cheques. Dude is raking money in for his party… And turns out this has been the trend for the past 3 years.

I’m less inclined to believe DC’s party will be looking out for the ordinary folk for whom parting with 2k at any point in time would be the difference between having a roof over their heads and paying childcare. But hey, DC has to eat, he might as well make money while doing it.

DC’s minions are working behind the scene to butter up fat cats to part with a considerable amount of money. As part of the sweet talk, they’ll be giving private presentations of the comms strategy for the forthcoming election campaign. A little something to make sure they add a few more zeros to the Conservative party bank balance.

Ok, so I know they have to raise money somehow, and I’m not knocking it, just saying i’m finding it hard to see DC’s party as one for the masses, it’s looking like it’s got the best interest of the wealthy minority at heart. You can’t get me to believe people who are privy key part information, aren’t doing so because there’s something in it for them.

So until I’m in the same financial league as DC and his buddies, I’ll be praying that proposed policies from his cronies (should they get in that is) don’t affect me too much.

The information of the soiree was detailed in a ‘leaked’ email from the Conservatives Campaign HQ, see for yourself at http://www.prweek.com/news/rss/971392/Tory-donors-offered-meetings-comms-chiefs-Steve-Hilton-Andy-Coulson  it goes on to talk about shindigs at Christies and dinner parties at private residencies… Please can people stop complaining about Peter Mandelson hob-knobbing with the rich and famous, clearly it’s the perk of the job…

RAK DAY 2 – The hot dress

Ever had that special dress in your wardrobe that you’re saving for a special outing. First time you tried it on at the shop, you thought, DAMN this dress is hot!

So it hangs in there, you treat is so special, sometimes when you’re feeling low, you pull it out, try it on to perk you up and make you smile and feel good about yourself.

I know i’m not alone with this one  – most ladies feel me on this one. It may be a dress, a pair of shoes, a bag, a jacket, something… I’m sure some guys can relate as well.

So this summer, i did bought a few clothing items and thought, hmm, i like how I look in these. But as busy as the summer was for me, I never really got the chance to rock the baffs as much as I would have liked.

 To be honest, there’s nothing especially off the hook about them, i just like how I feel when i wear the. I’m one of those people that dress how they feel – if I’m wearing heels, it’s because I feel serious, or it’s an especially busy day and i’ve got a lot to do, so I dress to fit the mood, if i’m in flat shoes, baggy pants and tees, it’s because i feel playful, carefree and really laid back (or ill)

Anyway, so I got home yesterday, rummaged through my stash of summer clothing and outing dresses and pulled some of them out packed them up and gave them out. Especially one hot dress I never got to wear. I oggled the dress so much and the most depressing thing happened - I became 2 size bigger than the dress SIGH

Oh well, things happen. All I can say now is, so long hot dress, you’ve got a fab home now.

Random? I know…but that’s the point.

To be honest, it’s not a big deal for me doing that, i’ve been on the recieving end of that sort of kindness for so long, it’s about time I paid it forward.

My sisters and friends are extremely generous. On occassion i’ve had friends visit me with bags of baffs – why? Just because, they’re generous like that. With my sisters it’s like we have one massive wardrobe and the only thing off limits are the items that don’t fit (that’s a bit of a fib, you’d be amazed the wonders a belt can do to transform a big top into a hot dress)

So that was DAY 2… God help me with today…

RAK DAY 1 – where’s my train station hobo?

Was in a bit of a panic yesterday morning when I realised it was day1 for the RAK challenge.

Being kind can be a difficult thing. That’s something I’m already learning. To be genuinely kind, your throughts have to be positive towards others, otherwise it doesn’t count. There’s words for just practicing acts of kindness without a kind heart- hypocrite and two-faced spring to mind.

I’m haunted by the words of the Bible, ‘from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.’ Basically what’s in your heart, will bubble to the fore, pretend all you want, it’ll still come out.

So my intention was to dust the cobwebs in the part of my heart that does the loving. Searching my heart, I’ve discovered, there’s a lot of horridness in me, and i’m hoping this challenge will cure me of them.

Anyway, back to the challenge. I thought, the easy thing to do to launch the challenge is give some change to the hobo lady that sits at the top of the stairs outside the train station near work.

Sounds lazy right? I know

Well I think God figured that too, because the hobo lady wasn’t there on my way into work -  which is unsual. Besides for someone who’s source of income is totally reliant on the generousity of others, she’s got be strategic about positioning herself.

It’s the begining of the a new month, people have money in their pockets from pay day, besides it was a Tuesday morning definitely more traffic coming and going from the station (unlike the Fridays – more people pulling sickies or working from home), why hasn’t she positioned herself for her daily takings?

 ’This lady’s got her strategy all wrong’ was my thought, as I wondered why she wasn’t there. 
At this point, I’m worried about my train station hobo, because she was MIA last week as well. So I’m thinking, ‘where’s my train station hobo?’

So on my way home from work, I was really excited when I spotted her. She was in her usual position, at the top of the stairs leading into the underground station.

Sitting on the floor in a crouching position, she was covered up with a couple of blankets and had her head bowed and covered with a hood so you couldn’t see her face. She could easily have been mistaken for a pile of dirty, wet discarded clothes. When you look closer you see the outstretched paper cups poised for a collection of your loose change.

It’s strange how excited I was to see her. It’s like I’d really missed her. I actually squealed when I caught sight of her from across the road, I started to pray as I walked briskly towards her.

“Hello,” was my opening line. She looked up at me and it was as though her sharp grey eyes were looking through me. “Would you like something to eat?” I asked, and she quickly said, “Chicken!” It was as though she’d been expecting me or something.

I made sure that was all she wanted and went straight to the nearest chicken and chip shop and bought her a chicken and chips meal with a drink.
I gave it to her and walked away with a prayer on my heart.

It’s World Aids day…

It’s World Aids day.

Until September last year I’d never met people I knew had HIV/ AIDS. On a story gathering trip to Tanzania, I went from being semi illiterate about HIV/AIDS to meeting it face to face.

In the villages of Dodoma, I met people whose lives are affected by it. Young girls no older than 20, no mothers with toddlers, some are HIV positive, others feel conscripted to lives of poverty because they have family members infected.

The words of one of the girls i met still rings in my head, ‘HIV brings poverty.’ I thought her remark was stark and very poignant and it was clear that living with HIV for some people is being trapped in a cycle.

For her, it was her father. He was always too weak to work, so the family farm – a relatively small patch of land  had to be manned by herself and her brother, she’d had to drop out of school, her hopes of becoming a nurse dashed, and she’s got to fend for her family of 8.

There are many myths and facts about HIV that isn’t common knowledge. It’s easy to assume we know what it is, but sometimes hearing the stories of those who have been affected by it, helps to place a face to the infection. Perhaps then there may be less stigmatisation. World Aids Day has an excellent website with case studies and the dash the myths of HIV/AIDS effectively http://www.worldaidsday.org/hivreality/common-myths.aspx

No one ever hopes to have HIV/AIDS or to even know someone affected by it, but it does happen and it’s not partial. The key thing to remember is promiscuity is the common denominator in the story of HIV/AIDS. It’s a shame that the message of abstinence isn’t encouraged when talking to young people- especially in schools – about it, rather it’s all about strapping up and having ‘safe sex’. 

The Bible Society of Tanzania has the thankless and somewhat controversial job of visiting villages in Tanzania and educating people about HIV/AIDS. They visit areas most other charities don’t reach, and teach on what the Bible has to say about it.

The story of the Good Samaritan is a winner when it comes to teaching this message, and the response to its message has transformed many communities.

I was truly challenged by the family i met that’s living with it, dealing with issues of extra-marital affairs, poverty, unemployment, illness, teen pregnancy and on top of that being stigmatised by their neighbours. They are still the most genuine family i’ve ever met – open about their shortcomings, passionate about helping those like themselves and optimistic about their future.

For people affected, hearing the local vicar preach about acceptance and against stigma goes a long way, for some, it means being able to walk down the streets with their heads held high. You can find out more about how people respond to this programme at http://www.biblesociety.org.uk/about-bible-society/what-we-do-around-the-world/responding-to-hiv-aids

So it’s World Aids day… it’s a HIV free day for me, unfortunately millions of people will never be able to say that.

the RAK challenge…

The Random Acts of Kindness challenge

I’ve got a song in my head… ‘all we need is love, love, love love…’ Beatles? No?

Thinking of the song makes me even more sick of feeling miserable about how pants society is today. A kind friendly gesture is as rare as an honest and truthful politician and I’m surrounded by screw faced people ( got shoved by some disgruntled lady on the bus omg, as I typed this- proves my point – can’t help wondering what she mad at me for???)

I was listening to Israel Houghton’s track, Power of one and I thought, that’s all it takes really - can start a revolution that’ll change the world. I may not be that one – but I can do something everyday that’ll touch the life or lives of people.

So what am I going to do? I hear you ask

Inspired by God’s description of fasting in Isaiah 58 vs 6 – 7 (Amplified)

  6[Rather] is not this the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every [enslaving] yoke?

    7Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house–when you see the naked, that you cover him, and that you hide not yourself from [the needs of] your own flesh and blood?

I’m determined – before I go to bed each day, to prayerfully perform a random act of kindness – hence the RAK challenge.

My hope is that coupled with prayer, just loving people could bring about a revival. Sounds idealistic – but it’s more reason to forge ahead. After all, what’ve I got to lose? The way i see it… nothing.

What’ve I got to gain? The thought that I made someone smile, interrupted the anger and frustration, loneliness and poverty in someone’s life and more importantly, generally reflecting the God in me… That’s enough right?

Do you think showing kindness and love to those around me would bring a smile to God’s face?

A good friend once shared a story with me of how she bought a bunch of M&S flowers for some lady she saw cleaning the toilets at Kings Cross station. I’m sure the lady might have appreciated the money instead of the flowers, but I was moved and inspired nonetheless by my friend’s thoughtfulness. What the cleaning lady appreciated more was the fact that my friend said, ‘thank you’ as she gave her the flowers. Apparently a lot of people go through Kings Cross station and don’t speak to her other than asking for bog rolls. So the thank you was more appreciated than the bunch of flowers.

There’s nothing new about the RAK challenge, people show kindness every day. I’d be very encouraged to hear stories from people showing random acts of kindness especially to strangers. I should say though, showing kindness to family is essential, especially following the scripture verse above. Is this because its particularly hard to be kind to family? is it because they’re the most likely people we take for granted? Why is it that we just assume our family know we love them and we’re reluctant to be kind to them?

I’m very interested in knowing people’s thoughts about this?

I’m going to take on this challenge for a month, starting today 1^st of December. If you’d like to join me please send an email to info@revived.org.uk I’m open to ideas and suggestions of things I can do each day, so folks please feel free to add to the challenge by recommending things I can do.

My hope is that as I start this, I’ll be cultivating a lifestyle that would become an act of worship to my God and a declaration of my love for humanity.

So for the believers out there, your prayers won’t go amiss.

Much love…

Don’t you just love the banks

Once again the banks are being protecte. This time they’re not just robbing the public purse, they’ve won the right to steal food right off our plates.

This is the ruling of the case between the banks and the Office Fair Trading fighting on behalf of cutomers who have been charged copius amounts of money for breaching overdraft arrangments.

I heard the story of a man who used to earn £65 a week and got a bank charge of £60 not to mention some bills that had to go unpaid. He claimed this meant he was unable to eat for a while. I’m well aware that as far as banks are concerned fairness isn’t really an issue. Making profit is what counts.

This is capitalism at it’s very best. Banks have free reign to charge as much as they want, some charge as much as £65 each time you’re over drawn. To be fair, this is something people agreed to when they opened the account. it’s not too shocking there’s a penalty, what’s staggering is the amount.

Yesterday before the court found in favour of the Banks, plans to charge every cash point user £2.50 for each visit was leaked as an alternative method of raising money should they have lost the bank charge case.

What does the PM have to say about this? Basically nationalised banks will be encouraged to review their bank charges, so that’s RBS and Northern Rock. In addition legislation will strenghten and safeguard the customers.

To buy or to rent? That is the question

Ok I really need people to share their thoughts with me on this one.

Negative equity, mortgages, fixed, tracker, fixed tracker… sounds likes deceptive titles for dangerous roller coaster rides at theme parks.

So people, we’re talking about houses today. What’s the best thing to do? Is it worth buying a property. I’m especially interested in first time buyers. You’ve saved and saved and saved, and it seems like they’re pushing the goal post and your savings are just not enough and you just fall short of the deposit needed – you either settle for a shoddy property that matches your cash, or carry on saving in the hope that things will stabilise in the housing market and when your funds are ripe so will the mortgage agreement.

Work with me on this on. Let’s take this one home.

The African in me is thinking? Hmmm, 25 years tied to a gbese (aka debt) What if…. well i guess for some people all the possible what ifs have happened, they’ve lost jobs, savings depleted and all that money that went towards mortgage payments is gone – it’s the bank’s now, everything. If it’s at all possible, I want us to objectively consider these case studies.

Meet Marcel

Let’s consider Marcel and his missus, a market research analyst who earns 35k a year and has been paying about £1.200 in mortgage payments on his 3 bedroom house each month.  Marcel lost his job three months ago and is fighting a losing battle for his home. It’s safe to assume Marcel’s monthly outgoing on his property is considerably more monthly taking into account the odd repair and bills. Marcel’s monthly outgoings make it incredibly difficult to save and have a life.

Enter Malachi

Malachi is a middle-aged teacher on 37k a year, decided not to buy but to rent. He lives in a 2 bed semi with his wife and son and pays £900 a month in rent (bills exclusive) all repairs etc are sorted by the landlord. He’s still working (lucky sod) and has been able to save at least £500 a month for the past 10 years and now has a tidy stash of cash which, should he lose his job, would keep him and his family afloat for a few months.

Now I know there’s a lot of mortgage savvy people out there, who have benefited from the economic downturn with regards to their property development. Whether you are or not, please shed some light on this…

To buy or rent – what do you think actually makes sense when logically processed?

Accidental criminals.

Tonight immediately after East Enders, Panorama’s ‘Lethal Enterprise’ programme will explore the charge of Joint Enterprise, a centuries-old legislation recently been resurrected with devastating results and is seeing swathes of gang members bundled into prison, often for the actions of just a handful of them or, in some extreme cases, just one.

The most popular application of the law of Joint Enterprise was that of the case of a shooting and murder of a London policeman in the 1950s by Christopher Craig, a 16 year old. Craig’s accomplice, Derek Bentley, 29, ordered Craig to ‘Let him have it!’ It was believed by the court that ‘Let him have it!’ meant to shoot the policeman rather than hand the gun over to him. Convicted of murder, Craig was too young to hang at 16 but the older Bentley, co-charged under Joint Enterprise, was equally found guilty of the murder even although he did not pull the trigger. Bentley hanged in 1953.

I doubt very much that all those misguided young people huddled together on street corners are aware of how this law affects them. I can’t help thinking that all those crazy movie scenes that glamorise drive-by shootings and greedy rappers that encourage holding ‘glocks’ should educate these kids and let them know what it really means to be a gang member – You don’t have to be the one caught holding the can, you just have to be there!!!

My heart bleeds for all those youngsters, no more than boys and girls who find comfort and security in being part of a family of thugs. I can’t really relate to that state of mind, but it’s not for lack of trying. It’s probably because I can only think about it and not feel what they do. How would I begin to understand or appreciate a situation where a group of people who steal and kill for a living are a better choice than what is supposedly my family? For some it’s a choice between lesser evils.

The Panorama advance publicity explains that the programme will explore the ‘catch all’ aspect of its application, particularly in relation to gang members, and possible miscarriages of justice as a result. It’s sad to think of the many lives of young people who could have dodged lives of incarceration, mainly because they’re at the wrong place at the wrong time, and have poor judgement in choosing the company they keep. I don’t know how I feel about this new law.

I know gang crime is an issue, but resurrecting a law to throw them in already crowded prisons seems to me like all they’ll achieve is success in breeding professional hardened criminals. With the hoody prejudice in the UK, what’s to stop a truck load of trigger happy policemen from driving into an estate and arresting a bunch of young people and one dead body? Some people will go from being witnesses to accomplices and there’ll be a lot of accidental criminals as a result of this. Forget the young hoodies for a minute, this could apply to anyone who is at a scene of a crime and unable to prevent it from happening. No?

Perhaps this law may deter more young people from taking part in gang related crime and more importantly murders. But are the right people making the right noises about this. I don’t see young people setting a reminder on Sky Plus for a Jack Straw news briefing and tt’s one of those details that easily gets lost in an East Enders or Hollyoaks plot. But get 50cent on about (why he’d care – I don’t know) and all the other rappers with street cred (I’m a bit stale on Hip Hop news, is 50 still relevant?)

I’m not saying young people gang bang because of rap and hip hop, but what I am saying is that music, film and other social media are more effective in changing what has now become such a violent culture on our streets among our young people. I grew up listening to Dre, Nas and the one with the fat lips – what’s his name again – with the hot wife formerly in one of the most popular female groups, and I’m no more criminally inclined than the average Joe Bloggs.

The day that a young person’s role model ceases to be a ditsy blonde whose entry into the spot light was a sex tape, or a multimillionaire with a lyrical gift a massive empire and a string of criminal records for almost every crime under the sun – that will be the day we can say things have shifted… our young people have seen the light.

The Queen and her puppet masters

Yesterday’s political drama was further proof of GB’s lack of imagination and DC’s irritating lack of substance. Surely Gordon Brown could have been a bit more subtle and could have bought himself some backbone by not using the Queen as a puppet to echo his party’s manifesto.

I wonder was this his way of prooving he has not been living under a rock in the past few months. This stunt of getting the Queen to deliver his bits of his party’s manifesto is perhaps his way of acknowledging that he’s dragged the Labour party behind in the polls thanks to his dithering on almost every political issue.

This is this his best tactic to showing how he wants to make Britain work? 12 policies in 7 minutes all to be delivered in about 6 months? Please, even Obama can’t pull that off and he’s more popular and has a large majority government.

On the other side of the mace, David Cameron can’t be blamed too much for playing politics, after all he’s leader of the opposition – his job is to wag his posh finger at the government each time they even open their mouths to say anything. But seriously yesterday’s performance at the prime minister’s question time was rather over the top – perhaps (assuming they had something better or different to add it might have been better) he could have used that opportunity to tell the nation what the Conservative government has to offer. But no! What did he do? More finger pointing - typical preppie behavior – throwing toys out of the pram because things are not really going as he’d like it.

If we strip things down to bare basics – which is what the electorate need to make up their mind at the polling stations – there’s no major difference between the Conservatives and the Labour party. They’re all saying the same things, but presenting it in different ways.

It seems from yesterday’s debacle, each one of them would have got the Queen saying whatever would have worked best in their favour. Nick Clegg had no chance in hell of even getting a shout, hence him going on like a broken record about silencing her altogether.

The good old Queen, did her duty to perfection, dusted off the glad rags and bore the weight of the polished crown jewel (omg! How many people imagined a group of gangsters waylaying the horse-drawn carriage that transported the crown!!! Was I the only one?) Her Majesty read what she was presented with (in record time) and made it home in time for lunch. Can’t fault that at all…

There isn’t much left of the good old British culture, some people are unsure of what is British, and this age old tradition that encapsulates the rich, honourable and dignified history of this nation is being questioned by Nick Clegg who arguably is only doing this to get himself some airtime – ok dude, you got it, how about you use your 5 minutes of air time to peddle some Liberal sense – nope? Not interested? Just the same old moan? 

I love politics because it’s got the ability to make life better for people and bring about positive things. When elected politicians loose the plot and practice politics as though they’re playing a game, it’s extremely irritating. They can complain all they want that people don’t really pay attention to policies – that’s a lie, if they made sense every now and then and were transparent about their duties, voter apathy wouldn’t be at an all time high.

Six months is nothing when it comes to launching a political campaign and winning supporters who will be loyal at the ballot box, so why are British politicians faffing about?! When do they intend to get serious? When do they intend to start connecting with the people?