My bucket list

 

 

 

‘You will die…’

That’s a fact. I can just imagine my African brethren saying God for bid, in every language under the sun.

We all know it’s going to happen but for some reason we want to cling on to life. I wonder, is it the fear of the unknown? is it because we’ve got so much going for us we don’t want to let it go? or is it for fear of what we’re going to leave behind?

 As a child I had a couple of brushes with death, I was a victim of  hit and run accidents – twice, and didn’t even break any bones, all I had were a few scrapes on my knee. I fell down a flight of spiral stairs once – the result was a very serious head injury which left me with stitches on my forehead (it’s like the sign of a cross – what can I say, the Lord’s mark is on me in more ways than one ;) ) oh and I’ve had a couple of serious surgeries. I’m sure I’ve left some things out, but that’s just the way I am, so long as it was just a brush with death and I didn’t die – then that’s all good – I don’t feel the need to cling to memory too much.

I think these experiences are reasons why I have a cavalier attitude towards death, even though i feel sick when i hear of a death. Up on till a few years ago, I used to think that i may die young (I’m not so young anymore, so that feeling’s mute) and even though to some people that seems like a terrible thing, generally speaking – to me it doesn’t matter how old you die, what matters most is that you’ve accomplished your divine purpose. The way I see it, if you complete you assignment at the age of 20, excellent – you get the privilege to move on… where you go to is an open to debate, but judging by how Christ was dismissive about what happens to the dead, I don’t think I need to worry too much about what happens afterwards while I’m here.

Someone once told me, he’s a Christian because he wants to go to heaven – I imagine  a few Christians feel this way. His words made me realise that I actually don’t think about heaven much, I can’t say that my motivation for being a Christian is to dodge hell – the fact is that I’m so obsessed with having a relationship with God here on earth, that I can’t be bothered to think about heaven – I just trust that I’ll be with Him, no point dreaming about pearly gates and streets paved with gold, heaven is beyond my comprehension, so why get distracted by it? I should probably be more focused on heaven itself, but eternity to me doesn’t conjure images of heaven, rather i think of an uninterrupted relationship with God.

Anyway – I digress – back to talk of death (how morbid do I sound? ;)

Seriously though, I embrace death, I welcome death, and I want to say I could stare death in the face with boldness and not fear it.

 freedom!!!

I’ll tell you what. I remember being on a plane to Ontario in the peak of winter and the plane experienced such fierce turbulence, the lights were flickering, things were flying out of  over head lockers (left open or not shut properly, who knows) and the oxygen masks had been released – naturally my immediate reaction was shock and fear, and I prayed to God for safety, funny thing is as I prayed, I felt calm, because I knew my time was not up yet, I hadn’t even started on the things God had called me to do with my life, and seeing as he doesn’t change his mind, I kinda knew I was going to be alright – so I grabbed my blanket and snuggled up in my seat watching other passengers freak out.

Since I became a mother though, my thoughts of death have changed. My fearlessness has made way for contemplation. Where I used to be confident about my purpose, I feel the need more to beg the Lord that should that be completed before my son grows up, may he give me the grace for long life to see him become the extra ordinary person he was made to be. My prayers for life tend to become more selfish, as I ask for the blessing to be the one to bring my son up and not someone else, to stay a wife to my husband and not just a fond memory (well at least not be parted too early by death).

Yet, I feel a conflict in my heart as I say those prayers, as I grow deeper in love with the Lord and my heart pursues what he’s called me to be. There are many scriptures that offer comfort and solace when I feel this way, things that reassure me that God knows best, and he loves my husband and son more than I could ever love them and regardless of what happens he’ll always have their best interest at heart. This gives me confidence to stay fearless in the face of death and my heart swells with confidence – for instance sometimes when I’m underground the train jerks with a loud bang and the lights go out  briefly – while other passengers hold their breath and subconsciously look at the bearded man holding rosary beads, I just smile to myself and think – it’s not my time… (I hate to admit it, but people are still really jumpy about Muslim-looking people getting on the train, it’s so sad but true)

Anyway, in a bid to celebrate my life before it’s gone – seeing as I won’t be here when others do it – I thought I’d share an abbreviated version of my bucket list.

the pain, o! the pain!

  • I’d like to experience child-birth the way God intended ( I’m not mad, I promise)
  • I’d like to see all my children succeed and be there for my grand children
  • I’d like to see my husband and I accomplished in our ministry

I like to think I’m a free spirit, I’d do anything at least once and I have an adventurous heart, so I know in the time I’ve got I will do some crazy stuff, that’s probably why my bucket list has things that are beyond my control – boring, I know, but hey, all other things like jumping out of a plane (which I’ve already done) and seeing the world’s wonders are great, but if it just doesn’t happen then let’s just say I won’t be rolling in my grave.

So, tell me, how do you feel about death? Care to share 3 things on your bucket list? Go on.. here’s a list of ideas i stumbled on.

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9 thoughts on “My bucket list

  1. I feel at peace with Death.
    It will come when it will come
    I have been at deaths door three times in my life and I truly believe that if its time, its time.
    3 things from my bucket list:
    – See my children become successful, happy adults
    – Support my children as they begin adulthood
    – Travel around the world

  2. wow,u’ve actually jumped off a plane before?kudos to you o.i cant actually say i’m where you are yet in terms of not fearing death but its something i’m trying to work on,i.e my relationship with God. i remember my dad years before he died, he was already calling on God to take him cos of his relationship with God and he dint feel the world’s issues were worth struggling all the time for..(btw he was a wonderful man who loved us to bits).when i look back and remember, i want to also get to that point where nothing will matter anymore(even my children because i know God will take care of them…just as He is taking care of me and my siblings now) except being with Him….

  3. Great article. Really like your direct way of writing Ms Luffa. You are actually one of the first blogs I always check for new articles.

    My bucket list can be summed up in the following lyric:

    But what’s it all worth, can’t take it when you under this Earth/
    Rich men died and tried, but none of it worked/
    They just rob your grave, I’d rather be alive and paid/
    Before my number’s called, history’s made/

    1. I want to fulfill God’s purpose in my life and not be a mere statistic
    2. Effect change and reform using my skills and life lessons
    3. Get the ground beneath my feet and the wind behind my back in all things

  4. Death has never been a scary thing to me. Being a Catholic, we are always reminded that we are mere dust. To be used by the Father as he wills.
    I think I have too watch that bucketlist movie sef. I have no bucket list. I take my adventures as the opportunity arises Chikena!

    p.s. what do you mean by experience childbirth as God intended? natural? without epidural? you strong oo!!

  5. @NIL; True talk, we can’t fight death, no point being scared about it. Love your list – i pray all are fulfilled in Jesus name
    @ Stella; i’m so sorry to hear about your dad. But it’s so true that in time you get on and you get strong. The Bible refers to God as the father of the fatherless and he looks out for the needs of those he loves. I find your comment very encouraging. Yeah hon, i did a sky dive to raise money for charity some years ago – absolutely amazing experience but it was over in 6 minutes – sadly:(
    @Esco; Awww, shucks, you got me blushing. Well i am to please with fresh content always :) Amen to not being a mere statistic – from your blog posts i get the sense you’re the sort of person that will leave a legacy, not afraid to be different – and may all your desires materialise IJN.
    @Ginger; Yeah watch the Bucket List, it’s an alright movie. Sounds like we’re kindred spirits, i’m always up for an adventure, i’m just trying to apply wisdom before saying yes to doing stuff though. I’d like to expereince child birth without surgery – i won’t say no to gas, air, epidurals and all other drugs God has given man the wisdom to produce ;) not that strong

  6. I really enjoyed this post especially cuz it strikes a chord with one of my life mottos: ‘eager to go but willing to stay’. That’s how I feel sometimes. I’m eager to be with my Lord in eternity but I’m willing to stay here because I’ve got a lot of unfinished business to attend for Him. My bucket list would read:

    1) Accomplish EVERYTHING God set out for me to achieve and glorify Him with my life
    2) Leave a godly legacy that will impact my family and sphere of influence
    3) Use my giftings to the fullest capacity to be serve and bless my world

    More fun bucket list would be:

    1) Write a book or books that will change the world in a positive way
    2) Travel to all the nations of the earth and sample their delicacies!
    3) Spend a day hanging out with Jesus in this lifetime

    • I really like that moto, I think i’m going to steal it off you :)
      You like your food hunh? be careful what you eat, in some parts of the world, they call posion a delicacy too ;)
      Re: spending a whole day hanging out with JC, surely you do that already? No? What do you mean spending a whole day hanging out with him? what do you think that day will be like. I’ve heard of a ministry called Time Away with Jesus http://www.tawj.org.uk do you think this comes close to what you’re referring to?

  7. Maybe I’m a little late to be responding to a 2011 blog, but I just noticed your post. I’m wondering whether epidural-free childbirth should really be considered “the way God intended it to be.” From a biblical perspective, pain in childbirth is given as a judgment for sin, alongside broken relationships and difficulty in work. This implies that God created the birthing experience to be without pain, rather than with. Anybody interested in commenting on this? I’m interested to hear your thoughts.

    • Forgive the super late response. Firstly never late to respond to a post.
      I think you’re right, God never intended for us to be in pain when giving birth, but then it’s the way it is. it’s an interesting one actually. I’ve heard stories of women who gave birth easily, and even the Bible records the ease with which Hebrew women delivered their chidlren. I should aspire for greater things shouldn’t i, and hope for the best from God. Funny how a punishment has become the norm and even a goal. Thanks for pointing that out.

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