A Facebook conversation I was privy too has got me thinking a lot today and it’ll be really helpful to know your thoughts on this.
Ok so a friend of mine points out the importance of dressing modestly and not baring all for the world to see. And someone responds, that you can dress immodestly but still be immoral, or you could dress immodestly because that’s what your husband, boyfriend or whatever likes.
As someone who’s been there and done the low-cut top, skin-tight dress and mini-skirt slit up to my waist fashion and got the t-shirt that practically says, I’m not a ho, but I dress like one, I think I’ve not only heard all the excuses there are out there for dressing like one is allergic to clothes, in fact I think I’ve dished a few out myself.
Most of these excuses were more ludicrous to say than they were to hear. One of the daftest excuses for dressing promiscuously is doing it to please one’s partner. Now I should be clear its insane for a Christian woman to say, she’s exposing her boobs and her buttocks because that’s how her husband likes to see her dress.
Errrm, how about dress that way at home and be decent in public – set an example please! Besides, I think the fact that your husband likes that sort of thing means you seriously need to pray for him. Some women dress the part for fear they’ll loose their man to one of the million and one women out there without scruples.
Fact is, in the battle to stay modest and decent, men have a strong role to play. And their part is mainly self control. No doubt men are moved by what they see, but dare I say if you heart is pure, your desires will be pure too.
I know men who are revolted by display of flesh in a woman in a public place, these are men that are sincerely attracted to wholesomeness and I admire these men, because I reckon they have a deeper appreciation for beauty and they realise that when it’s all out on display, an insecurity and self consciousness is on display.
Truth be told, when I used to bare all, I did it for many reasons, to fit in, to get attention, to look sexy, to feel special. Unfortunately, I felt rotten for doing it. It was clear that I was hanging with the wrong crowd; there was an unspoken competition on who was brave enough to bare the most. Even worse I was successful in drawing attention, but it was not the time that I wanted – I wanted a decent guy, but I was pulling perverts.
This brings me to another excuse, I used to give which I still hear from young women today – I’m not promiscuous, but I like dressing this way, its fashion. To me that sounds like, ‘I’m not a ho, just dressing like one.’ Imagine someone who isn’t a surgeon donning the surgical scrubs in an operating room, it could be tragic if you’re called to perform duties you’re not able to do. It does not make any sense.
So guys, what do you think? Do you like girls dressing provocatively, if so would you want your wife, sister or mother to dress this way in public?
Ladies, what’s the deal with baring all? Is revealing ones private parts really sexy, or rather perverted?
Fair enough that there are limits of decency but i think things such as decency are very relative and depend on the society you are in and your mindset, I am of the opinion that a certain insecurity drives a person to dress almost naked because in reality modest dressing can be sexy too. I think dressing for the occasion is always important. Dont show up at church looking like you are going to a club.
Hmm, I’m a little late to this discussion but I’d still like to offer an alternative opinion – if I may.
I would submit that whilst there are many scantly clad young ladies, whose skimpy skirts and low cut tops mask the ‘insecurity and self conciousness’ you describe and feel ‘rotten’ for dressing in this way, there is also the middle ground, young ladies such as myself.
I wear short skirts, midi skirts, maxi skirts. I wear short dresses, midi dresses, maxi dresses. I wear loose fitting dresses I also wear dresses so tight that you can see what I had for lunch. I wear skinny jeans, I wear baggy/boyfriend jeans. And you can gaurantee that when the hot weather hits, I’ll be wear some denim cutoffs that I have no doubt will raise a few eyebrows.
Do I wear these clothes to garner male attention? Hell no! I won’t pretend that some male attention (particularly from handsome young men!) isn’t an unwanted bonus but ultimately the appreciation that I desire comes from other women. From the very stylish female who asked me where I got my dress. Or that model looking chick eyeing up my outfit. And if the way I dress at times falls into the ‘risque’ category, again that has absolutely zero to do with seeking to garner a particular response from men. A glance through the comments section of fashion blogs, by ordinary girls, such as Shirley from Meek n Mild ,demonstrates that fashion and the appreciation of fashion is mainly a girl/gay guy thing – sorry to fall into stereotypical descriptions.
So although I don’t deny the existence of the poor young ladies you describe, who wear barely there clothes but are ‘crying on the inside’, there are also young ladies like me. Those whose wardrobe can at times veer into (what some may consider) the indecent, but who hold their head high whilst doing so. I understand that you (universal you) may judge my morals on the length of my skirt, which I can’t deny does baffle me – as tomorrow when I’m wearing my midi skirt will that make me a better person?
If so you can betcha bottom dollar that there are some very promiscous – shirt done up to the top, skirt down to the ankles – young ladies that are missing out on your concern.
This is part of the reason that I say you can’t always determine the motive for immodest dress, or (I guess) for modest dress. I will say that there are trends, and if a person is dressing modestly on a consistent basis you’re looking at someone that isn’t in to showing off– for men or for the fashion conscious.
I view it this way, are you advertising something that’s not for sale? If so, why?
As far as a husband’s influencing his wife to basically be an object– a trophy wife– I think it’s fine to admire one another’s body in the privacy of one’s own home (and an outfit that will be more risque at home might work!), but a husband should treat his wife as something precious to be guarded, not to be shown off.
Touchy MsLuffa, but needed. My response would be neither sexy nor perverted, rather confused, hurt and hurting and for some, ignorant. For some it is all they’ve seen and known; it’s what they’ve been taught, either by example or how they’ve been treated. My heart goes out to them and I want to say, “you’re beautiful, you don’t have to do all that to be beautiful.”
I think of Paul’s message to Titus concerning older women teaching the younger women, primarily by example. He says, “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure…” (Titus 2:3-5)
I think of the responsibility of the men to lead by example as well. Paul exhorts Timothy, “…Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1 Tim. 5:1,2) A passage I have to return to frequently is 2 Cor. 5:16, “So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view…”
Brothers, more than ever, that woman dressed scantily just needs you to see beyond her display to the hurt or insecurity and say, “You don’t need to dress like that to get attention. You’re probably more beautiful dressed more modestly. It’s difficult to SEE you because of the display, but I sense your beauty regardless.” Ok, it may sound kind of corny to you, but you know what I mean.